REFLECTION Sept. 15th - Camus "The Fall"

INNOCENCE.

There is one theme that is woven through the text that has stuck with me since this week's discussion: Ego.

I have been struggling with the fact that ego is perceived as both good and bad. It's both a necessity and a nuisance. Ego must be present for a person to successfully thrive, but too much of it will ultimately cause a person's demise. This brings the question of balance into play, and that is where I am stuck. Most people have an innate sense of what a healthy and acceptable view of self is, and can easily recognize in others when that point has been crossed.

I think what I came to conclude while the discussion was happening is that self awareness is the key component to keeping self love from becoming delusion.

Most especially in this self-absorbed "selfie" society, it's easy to get carried away with ego. But, no ego at all is also vilified and all types of under appreciated people are being urged to assert their worth. 

On one end of the spectrum, we have one of my favorite examples of a person who personifies egocentricity: Kanye West. I had to laugh at how many times his name was referenced in a discussion stemming from Camus' writing, seeing as how the two have seemingly nothing in common. But looking closer, his false sense of self-importance and almost delusional vanity mirror Camus' main character in "The Fall", Jean-Baptiste Clamence. They both seem to view their actions with a sense of trumped up grandeur that is not shared by their surrounding peers. I believe this group of people lack the self awareness necessary to contain the self love they practice, to where it overtakes rational thought and the person becomes glorified in their own minds. 

Conversely, there has been a big push or movement to empower those who are lacking in self-love to practice acceptance and strengthen ego. As of recent, media has been bombarded with campaigns aimed at improving a persons self image. With these instances, the lack of self love stems from an almost poisonous self awareness where a person is possibly too aware of only the negative aspects of self. This group illustrates that the imbalance of self love to awareness can also be internally harmful to a person. Unlike Clamence, who was egocentric but in a way, helpful to society, this group is most likely to allow their low view of self to stifle their productivity or potential societal contributions due to their lack of confidence.

I really did enjoy this story, as it highlighted a very applicable topic for today's society. As compellingly illustrated by Group 2's skit, it is easy to allow yourself to get swept up in social media validation and come away from a computer screen with a false sense of ego. Our worth becomes weighed by "likes" and face-less "friend counts", while our achievements are only worthy if documented and posted. Most of us are kept in check by peers, allowing a healthy balance between self love and self awareness. But if this balance is skewed, we run the risk of teetering too far to one side and ending up a person "out of balance". 

REFLECTION Sept. 8th - Camus "The Stranger"

I was pleasantly surprised by Camus' "The Stranger", as I found myself unexpectedly enthralled in the development of the character Meursault. I have always been intrigued by the concept of 'apathy', as I generally experience a number of complex emotions and cannot grasp how a person can be so lackadaisical about anything. From this prospective it's easy to quickly label Meursault as a person without feeling as a result of observing him in situations which would commonly invoke highly emotional responses. This, in fact, is how I would react with someone who I perceive to be responding less than expected, writing them off as someone who 'doesn't care'. However, in the case of Meursault, staying with this person and continuing to follow the development long after I would have made my judgement proved to be enlightening. 

As he progresses throughout the story, it is almost as if he had concluded early on that dwelling on emotional response served no purpose and he would not be bothered with it. I do not think he is incapable of emotion, as he himself weights the responses he gives and how they are perceived by others. He even professes to feel embarrassment at some situations, such as declining to view his mother's body, when he senses judgement being passed on his reactions. His lack of emotional response seems to suggest a stunted development, prompting the Prosecutor in the story to label him as "soulless", and comparisons to 'animalistic behavior' in class discussion. 

However, reading on to the end of the story, I found myself going over his words several times to find my interpretation of them. He explains, when being accused of having no regret for his actions, that he has never really been able to feel regret for anything in all his life. He states, "I've always been far too much absorbed in the present moment, or the immediate future, to think back." (Camus, pg. 63). I am inclined to wonder if his attitude toward life events is instead advanced for his era, as he seems to have transcended the common despair that comes from worrying about how his actions are identified by his surrounding society. We see in the story how the surrounding people are wrestling with the fact that his actions are not indicative of someone showing remorse. They cannot accept that a person should not have some sort of emotional response to the death of a loved one. The are almost insulted by the fact that he would chose to spend an evening enjoying himself with Marie instead of wallowing in the grief they dictate to be appropriate. Meursault, however, has none of these thoughts early in the book when he describes the morning after his mother's funeral as a sort of play-by-play, where each action he takes is merely a cause of the last action. In this matter of fact way, he describes waking and feeling a swim will do him good, so he sets out to swim. In doing so, he meets Marie, whom he incidentally spends the day with, resulting in him asking her to see a movie with him. He follows the day as it goes, not letting the past events weigh him down or interfere with his present. He notes he supposes one should feel somewhat guilty, but makes no effort to entertain these feelings past that. 

I believe that what I have taken from the story is the idea of non-conforming. In Meursault's rejection of societal regard, he is labeled an outcast of this society. But at the same time, I believe he is freed from the constraints of judgement and the constant worry of what such judgments implicate for him. This, in turn, proves to be the ultimate irony as this freedom results in his being jailed and put to death. 

I still cannot wrap my head around all that this story is offering.